Variety's 100 Best Horror Movies of All Time
Muahaha
In honor of the upcoming 30th Annual Jessieween, I am going to go through Variety’s list of 100 Best Horror Movies of All Time and we’re going to discuss. Before I look at the list, my favorites in general are slashers (or as a coworker very politely put it a few years ago, “You just like watching people murder each other.”). Religious trauma doesn’t really work for me, but if it’s done well I enjoy it (see The Conjuring). I like to feel scared and I want my heart rate to jump. I am not above a cheap jump scare.
My favorite scary movie is Scream and it is also the first one I was able to watch by myself. The first horror movie I ever watched was The Ring when I was like. 10. Scared the shit out of me, naturally, and then I showed it at one of my birthday parties in middle school and some of my friends were self-proclaimed horse girls and I did not tell them of that One Scene (iykyk) and they cried. The scariest one, to me, is The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) because I watched it in rural Michigan in my friend’s trailer house. I literally did not fall asleep until 6am because I thought I was going to die. My brother forced me to watch Audition, a Japanese horror, and some of the images in that movie are some of the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen. Psycho had a lasting impression on me when I watched it, again when I was like 10 (older brothers I swear to god), because that was the first time I was faced with mortality. I distinctly remember telling my mom how I was scared of dying after I watched Psycho and she was like “okay…” fjsdklfjsdl.
Without further ado, (I haven’t seen many of the Best, I don’t think, bc I gravitate towards shittier ones)
Repulsion. Not off to a great start. I have literally never heard of this.
Suspiria. They’re talking about the original but there was a recent remake with Dakota Johnson and Tilda Swinton. I tend to stay away from super artsy fartsy horror because I like to have a solid conclusion.
The Devil’s Backbone. It’s by Guillermo del Toro and I like his work so maybe. I recommend Crimson Peak if you’ve never seen it.
The Haunting
Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I’m not the biggest fan of body horror. Tbh I’m not sure that this is but given the title, I’m willing to bet there’s something.
Dead Alive (Braindead). I’m not big on zombies, personally.
Event Horizon. Oh it’s about space. Eh.
Cat People. Yeah I’ll watch this.
The Human Centipede 2. BRO. I watched this in undergrad bc my friend Maura and I wanted to avoid studying and it was AWFUL. Makes the first one look like a CAKE WALK. If you’re curious, the first movie had 3 people in a centipede and this one has like 10 or 12. One of the worst things I’ve ever seen. I know the third has like a 100-person chain.
Dead of Night.
A Page of Madness. This is a Japanese horror from the 1920s so I will not be watching.
Horror of Dracula. In terms of supernatural horror entities, vampires are definitely my favorite. I like the lore. Though Frankenstein’s Monster is cool too.
Blood Feast.
The Vanishing (Spoorloos). I don’t even know what this is.
Village of the Damned. The screen grab on the website is just a bunch of blonde children so I’m skipping this.
Re-Animator. Looks awful.
Dead Ringers. Oh Jeremy Irons. I’ll watch.
The Little Shop of Horrors. Um back in like 2020 it was announced Chris Evans would be starring in a remake of this. What happened to that.
What Lies Beneath. Harrison Ford and Michelle Pfeiffer? Will watch. I think I tried watching it a couple years ago but I couldn’t find it streaming anywhere and it didn’t seem worth it to pirate.
The Wolf Man. You know there’s a subsect of romance readers that are really into monster romance. Will not be watching.
House of Wax. This is the original 50’s version on the list but I will not watch out of solidarity for Sophia Bush because Chad Michael Murray cheated on her with Paris Hilton on set of the remake. (Edit: per our conversation, I understand my facts are wrong so maybe I’ll give this a chance.)
The Omen. I think I tried watching the remake but I didn’t care for it. Devil possession is kind of boring to me, save for a few exceptions.
Angst. Hmm pass.
The Blob. Considering, based on the name alone.
I Walked with a Zombie. Variety describes it as “Jane Eyre reimagined as a midnight voodoo dream.” Not sure what that means but I’ll watch it, even with the zombies.
The Descent. Oh I’ve seen this!!! This is really, really good. It’s about a group of friends that go spelunking and things lurk below. It’s soooo suspenseful and good.
A Nightmare on Elm Street. You know at the time of watching this, I was like “aw Johnny Depp” and now I’m like “get fucked Johnny Depp.” And he does. He really does. It’s a good movie, though it’s very camp in an 80s kinda way.
Blood for Dracula. What happened to just Dracula?
Creature from the Black Lagoon. Did you ever watch The Shape of Water? This looks like fun. I’ll watch it.
Hostel: Part II. Eli Roth is like hella Zionist so I’ll skip this one but I’m surprised a sequel made it so high up on the list.
The Wailing. Korean horror…sign me up.
Near Dark. Description makes it seem like it’s cannibals. I’m not good with cannibals.
The Sixth Sense. Shockingly I’ve never seen this. But I know the ending so I don’t think it’s worth it anymore.
Possession. Eh. Zombies it looks like.
The Babadook. Omg I fell asleep while watching this and I woke up to the Babadook speaking and it’s really disturbing and it’s just like “doooooooooook babadooooooook” so I shut my computer and never tried watching it again. All I think about now is the Babadook gay memes. This tweet also gets me every time.
The Incredible Shrinking Man. I just can’t take that seriously, sorry.
Planet Terror.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I think we’re overdue for a remake on this one. I like the story.
Gremlins. Pass.
Candyman. Oh the bees!!! I’ll watch this one day.
Funny Games. This was on some list of the scariest movies ever I read a few years ago so I just read the Wikipedia synopsis. The scariest movies are the ones that happen just cuz.
What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? Bette Davis v. Joan Crawford. I’ll watch eventually. The makeup is so chilling.
Raw. I’m just not interested with a title like that.
Peeping Tom. Now why would I watch this?
The Fly. Jeff Goldblum? I’m seated.
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. Oh I’ve seen this movie floating around on those lists. I mean maybe? But it’s a movie from the 20s and I don’t know if I have the patience for that.
Let the Right One In. Another movie my brother made me watch. He forced me to watch it after I saw Twilight bc he said “this is how vampires really work.” Sure. It’s actually kinda cute bc it’s about a young boy who gets a new neighbor. The ending is sooooo good. I recommend this.
Eraserhead. Probably not.
Blood and Black Lace. Never heard of this but I’d consider it.
Irreversible. Description says it’s about sexual assault. I think I’ll pass.
Onibaba. Yeah no.
The Witch. There’s no way to describe this movie other than when I left the theatre, I felt really dirty (kind of the way Gillian Flynn books make me feel). Really good but the dialogue is in old English so you don’t really know what’s going on. This was Anya Taylor-Joy’s first big thing and she’s really good in it. Again, I love the ending.
The Birds. This is at the top of my list and it’s on Netflix. I just can’t fathom that this movie can be that scary but I like the Hitchcock films I’ve seen so I imagine I’ll have fun with this one.
Godzilla. I only learned last year after Oppenheimer that Godzilla was created as a metaphor for the nuclear bombs during WWII. I really want to watch King Kong v. Godzilla or whatever it’s called that came out last year.
The Thing. Ahhh this was fun. Again, a great ending. Endings of horror movies really make or break it for me, it seems. It’s pretty good. Not really scary though…more like…haunting.
The Invisible Man. The remake in 2020 was the last movie I saw in theatres before COVID.
Manhunter. Interested.
Vampyr. Meh. It’s from the 30s. I’ll pass.
28 Days Later. Might watch for the Cillian Murphy of it all. But it’s like zombies. Ugh. Maybe.
The Devils. Nah.
Bride of Frankenstein. Yay women!
Kwaidan. The Japanese man. Maybe.
Freaks. No I don’t think so.
Deep Red. Sounds not fun.
Hereditary. YAAAAAAASSSS. Omg if you haven’t seen this, what are you waiting for? The first time I watched this I yelled out loud and then I had to rewind that One Scene bc it just comes out of nowhere. Oh it’s SO good. Though I might like Midsommar slightly more.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Didn’t this already come up?
Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn. No I fear not.
M. No.
The Night of the Hunter. Oh I think the antagonist is a creepy white man. Will watch.
Ringu. Ah the inspo for The Ring. Honestly the remake is good enough for me. Does the Japanese version have Logan Roy? I don’t think so.
Eyes Without a Face. Well don’t give it away with the title.
The Phantom of the Opera. Tragically, not the 2004 version starring Emmy Rossum. Fun fact that was my favorite movie for a few years before I discovered Pride and Prejudice. Anyways, this is the silent version from the 20s. I’m not going to watch bc I want to watch my Phantom prance in his cave wearing a cape whilst trying to seduce me.
The Wicker Man. Eh.
Dracula. Like would I give in to Dracula? Maybe.
The Innocents. Ooh described as gothic horror. I’m in.
Scream. At 25????? Deserves top 10 I fear. Seriously one of the best movies ever made. I love this so much and I watch it every year (multiple times). It’s more like background noise to me at this point but still. Just a classic. Highly highly highly recommend. (Ranking if you care of the Scream movies, favorite to least: 1, 4, 2, 5, 6, 3.)
The Blair Witch Project. Another movie we watched at my birthday party in middle school. Can I just say, my birthday parties in elementary and middle school were Iconique. Anyways, if you’re unfamiliar, the characters are terrorized by this symbol throughout the woods so after the movie, my brother printed it out and stuck it all over my house and my parents got sooooo mad at him bc I think someone cried. Also I got in trouble because they say the word “fuck” 154 times.
Dawn of the Dead. I just don’t care for zombie movies.
Carnival of Souls. Sounds spooky.
Black Sunday. Sounds religious?
Get Out. Yep. One of the most stressful movie-going experiences ever. I had no idea where this movie was going or how it was going to end but it was spectacular. No notes. Except maybe it deserves top 10. Allison Williams and Bradley Whitford’s castings were so inspired. (Jordan Peele movie rankings, in terms of how disturbing it was probably goes: Get Out, Nope, Us, though all are 10/10 for me).
The Mummy. I don’t care. Just burn it.
The Shining. Yeah this is fair. Jack Nicholson’s face at the end when he’s in the snow is sooooo spooky.
Diabolique. No, it’s French.
Halloween. Well, yes! I watched this with a friend in middle school and we were shitting our pants, naturally, and her mom walked in and goes, “Isn’t this just the best?” This movie is really all about the vibes. It’s not scary to me anymore but the music is chilling and he’s just a haunting guy.
Don’t Look Now. Okay I won’t.
Nosferatu. Random memory but when I was probably…7 or 8? I was watching the Oscars and they had a segment (it must have been about honoring horror movies, or maybe it was a 80th anni thing for this bc it came out in 1922) showing Nosferatu walking up the stairs and it scared the shit out of me. I’ve never seen this but I’m going to watch the remake with the Skarsgard. (Edit: Bill. I forgot his name.)
The Silence of the Lambs. Ohhhhh soooooooooooo good. Just so good. The climax still puts me on edge, even after all these years!! I wasn’t allowed to watch this for a while (weirdly my mom’s limit was this and Schindler’s List?) but it’s soooo good. I can’t not think “fava beans with a nice chianti” any time I see either of those things.
King Kong. I really like the 2005 version. It makes me so sad. Listed is the 30s original.
Alien. I feel like I have to watch this.
TOP 10
Carrie. My first Ansel Elgort film (please why is this even a barometer for me) was the remake of Carrie starring Chloe Grace Moretz. They obviously have the original 70s version. I’m so sorry but Sissy Spacek freaks me out so much I can’t watch this. I tried a few weeks ago but I just couldn’t do it. Great story though.
Salo, of the 120 Days of Sodom. Yeah no.
Frankenstein. I can’t imagine the 30s version is very scary but maybe I’ll watch it.
Audition. FUCKKKKK NOOOOOOOO. You should watch it though. The first half is like kinda funny so you think you’re in a rom com but oh dear god DNI DNI.
Night of the Living Dead. The filmmakers let the copyright lapse so it’s in the public domain now and you can just watch it anywhere. I think I watched this in elementary school with my brother and his friends on YouTube. The ending is realllllly sad.
Rosemary’s Baby. SO GOOOOOOOD. Oh just so creepy. LOVE this. Too bad it’s Roman Polanski though. But still. Ah it’s so good. Probably one of the best endings of all time.
Jaws. Oh look Lauren’s comfort film. I will say, this movie did discourage me from the ocean for quite some time. I haven’t seen it in a few years but I really like it. It’s just fun that this is a horror movie set during the summer time.
Psycho. I just got a shiver down my spine. Obviously this is one of the best horror movies ever created. So creepy. So spooky. Again just a god-tier ending.
The Exorcist. I have something controversial to say. I don’t think this movie is very good. I fell asleep halfway through and woke up to her vomiting. But, I should probably give it another shot, considering how important those steps are to me.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 70s version. Really? I watched this with my roommate a few years ago and it was more campy than scary. Huh. I’m kinda shocked but I guess it didn’t show up anywhere else on this list so by process of elimination, I guess. Hmm. This movie is definitely creepy in like a “these are cannibals who don’t shower and I can tell they’re very sweaty” kinda way but I never was really scared. Wow I am surprised. Leatherface is a genuinely scary antagonist though, so I guess points for that. Huh. And I guess this movie created a lot of good lore so for cultural impact alone, sure. Wow.
So go forth. Watch a scary movie or 10 for me this year. Hocus Pocus is an excellent palette cleanser after each one.