Harry Potter, Ranked

what the title says

I didn’t have anything planned for today but it was suggested to me to rank Harry Potter by my dear Emily Gazall bc she’s in the middle of a reread so that’s what I’m going to do. I will separate my rankings between book and movie. I need it to be clear that I do not support JK Rowling, in fact I think I hate her, but I unfortunately do still love these books.

Books

1. Prisoner of Azkaban

   1. A perfect book in my eyes. Everything just fits together like a puzzle. It’s so satisfying to read every single time. I think this is one of the few times time travel works well and is pretty thought out. I have nothing bad to say about this.

2. Half Blood Prince

   1. The funniest book in the series. It really does read like a teen romcom sometimes. I love the interpersonal relationships and all of the Voldemort memories. It’s a great penultimate book leading to the finale.

3. Goblet of Fire

   1. Everytime I reread this I tell myself, “wow I forgot how good this is.” I love the backdrop of the tournament and the way the tournament keeps this book pretty insulated, even with the ending, if that makes any sense. I also love the twist at the end. I think it’s funny that “Mad-Eye Moody” is one of their best DADA professors.

4. Order of the Phoenix

   1. This probably should rank higher over Goblet but this book really makes me mad every single time. Everything is so avoidable. I skipped this on my reread this year bc I just didn’t have the mental capacity for it. But it really is very very good.

5. Chamber of Secrets

   1. Solid book. I like the I AM LORD VOLDEMORT thing. Having a basilisk that can kill people is very dark for year 2.

6. Sorcerer’s Stone

   1. Much like how debut can never rank last, neither can this. It started everything so for that it deserves #6. It’s also just cute to reread bc it actually reads as a children’s book.

7. Deathly Hallows

   1. Including the deathly hallows out of nowhere was stupid. The cloak can just be a cloak. I think the elder wand thing with Malfoy is interesting but the deathly hallows just come to late for me to really care about it. The horcruxes were enough.

Movies

1. Prisoner of Azkaban

   1. Legitimately an excellent film. It changed the tone of the movies, it was like actually shot well, and it has the most perfect vibe to it. I love this movie so so so so much.

2. Deathly Hallows Part 1

   1. I really enjoy this, actually. I like that Part 1 has an entirely different vibe to it than 2. I like that we’re away from Hogwarts and it’s just them on the lam. It’s a fun change of pace from the rest and it sets itself apart that way.

3. Half Blood Prince

   1. In general, I didn’t like the director of movies 5-8 bc they all kinda feel the same and are all the same greyish green color. This movie is fine, but now that the actors are grown up, some of them are just not good (cough cough Ginny). But because I love the book so much, I’m definitely biased.

4. Goblet of Fire

   1. A fun time. Long live Robert Pattinson. The graveyard scene is done well. My biggest qualm is the third task. I would’ve liked to see the magical creatures.

5. Sorcerer’s Stone

   1. This is just a cozy movie. Everyone’s adorable.

6. Deathly Hallows Part 2

   1. I hate hate haaaaate hate hate HAAAAAAATTTEEEEE the way Voldemort like peels away like some magical being. The whole point is that he just dies because he’s just some guy! That’s the entire point! He should’ve just flopped over!!!! This movie has great music though.

7. Order of the Phoenix

   1. I would’ve liked to see a full scene of Snape’s memory bc it’s my favorite chapter. Lupin also doesn’t speak a single word in this movie. One thing that’s done very well though is the costuming. Every person is wearing a pattern or striped shirt when they’re in a scene with Harry, while he’s wearing a solid shirt. I think that’s really smart costuming to show how isolated he is. Otherwise, this movie is just shot so boring and the acting is stiff. Even the end credits are boring.

8. Chamber of Secrets

   1. This one is just too long. It almost fits too closely with the book. I like it but yeah just too long. The Dobby CGI is amazing though.

My biggest issue with the movies is how Steve Kloves, the screenwriter, gave all of Ron’s best lines to Hermione bc Hermione was his favorite character. You can see in the books why Hermione would fall in love with Ron bc he’s a great character who clearly cares about her but none of that is present in the movie.

(The most obvious example is in book 3 when Ron is the only one who consistently notices that Hermione is missing all the time. Also when Hermione answers the question about werewolves and Ron sticks up for her in the book, versus in the movie where he makes that shitty quip of “he’s got a point you know.” Like WHY would Hermione fall in love with Ron if he was so shitty with her all the time???)

Another thing is they made Ginny an absolute loser in the movies. She’s so cool in the books like she’s the ultimate It Girl at school but the movies make her so fucking dull and stupid. Movie Harry should’ve ended up with Luna or something.

Okay that’s it.