What can I say—I really do lock-in when it’s required of me. I’m going to be honest I don’t even know what I’ve missed, but as promised, here are things I can remember <3
Dakota Johnson and Chris Martin
Broke up. Just in time for The Materialists! People were wondering why Taylor and Dakota went out to dinner the night before the masters news broke and I guess now we know. And it makes sense, because:
Pope Bob
Got a brand new toy.
Hugh Jackman
Confirmed to have cheated on his wife (presumably with Sutton Foster). I’m not fluent, but apparently back in the day, Broadway gossip was juicccccyyyyy when Sutton Foster and Christian Borle were married.
So afaik, Sutton Foster and Christian Borle were married at the time. Christian Borle was Emmett in Legally Blonde (if you’ve never watched the MTV-filmed Legally Blonde: The Musical, btw, you really should, it’s great) and it was rumored he had an affair with his co-star, Ms. Elle Woods herself, Laura Bell Bundy (“boats boats boats” girl in HIMYM). And in retaliation, Sutton slept with Roger Bart (singing voice of young Hercules in Hercules and he was also a psycho pharmacist in Desperate Housewives and overall kind of a Broadway legend who I was so sure was gay until now). (Matt Dills, there’s a 2% chance you’re reading this, and if you are, please lmk if you knew about this.)
Wait, where was I? Oh yes, Hugh Jackman’s divorce has been finalized and his ex-wife issued a statement where she basically said he cheated on her. Which really sucks because they were married for 30 years.
Kylie Jenner Boob Job
In case you were wondering. Which, I will say: Girl, whatever. You’re not allowed to capitalize immensely off the insecurities of young girls that YOU caused and then turn around and say “lol but I’m for the girls.”
Another Hadid Sister
Bella and Gigi just disclosed there is another sister. After their dad divorced Yolanda, he went on and had another kid and her name is Ayden? She really looks exactly like Bella if she’d kept her original nose.
Zayn Followed Louis on Instagram
Tom Felton Joining Cursed Child
Somehow, this guy being employed is still more unemployed than I am.
It came out like last week (at least after we went to Universal so don’t feel too bad) that J.K. Rowling is using her own personal money earned from Harry Potter to start her own foundation, the J.K. Rowling Women’s Fund, with the goal to “remove transgender rights in the workplace, in public life, and in protected female spaces.” Her very weird obsession with transgender people has transcended black mold and mental illness into a secret third thing. No offense to the trans folks (and I’m sure they won’t mind) but I genuinely do not understand why she thinks transgender people are so worthy of having this much attention. Her brain is rotted, her soul is rotten, and I’m just really sad she’s tarnishing not even her own legacy bc I don’t give a shit about her but the legacy of Harry Potter.
Anyways, he’s pathetic. Move on.
Jojo Siwa
Jojo Siwa, a lesbian, has a boyfriend. Happy Pride!
Walton Goggins & Aimee Lou Wood
This is the funniest piece I’ve read in a while. Actor brain is so special. I suppose the only way to effectively beat the feud allegations is to fuel the affair allegations.
Superman
I am so excited for this movie and I don’t really have the words to explain why. Actually, I do, it’s because I love Rachel Brosnahan. Maybe I should rewatch Maisel…. But they just released the character posters. Look at them. I CANNOT wait for the press tour.
I definitely forgot some stuff but it is what it is. I’ll let you know if anything super important comes to mind. But for now, I hope you’re all have a good day.